DOE and DOY Rules and Requirements

The DOE is given to the man or woman left STANDING at the end of the night - per event. The stud of the event, which is not sexist. Anyone is eligible!
The DOY is a yearly award given to an individual who has demonstrated exceptional consistent ability throughout the given camping/show season.
The person is not required to receive any DOE awards, although they do provide benefits for the year end DOY vote. Consistency is the key. Late nights are usually required as the competition has forced this in the past 2 years. Being loaded on several occasions throughout the year is not sufficient.

Don't disqualify yourself with a Technicolor yawn!

Unless you are participating in the Lawn Barf Challenge!

If you need more information contact Nick, Jeff, or Billy. They can provide you with their winning strategies. Jeff won without winning a DOE award. Billy has the stealth ability to appear sober at all times although this is not the case. Nick won by his very solid effort throughout the entire year. Unfortunately, due to his overachievement, he will no longer be eligible for this coveted award as he has elevated himself to the professional category.
Awards are presented at one of the first events of the following year.

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10.Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11.Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12.Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13.It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14.Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15.Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross."

The Truth About Beer... The SMARTEST thing Cliff ever said on Cheers!
submitted by Billy Knudson, our stealthy 1998 DOY Victor!

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the buffalo theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see Norm, it's like this .... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Men, women and beer
In a current report, scientists for the USDA suggest that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

It has been confirmed that beer actually contains small traces of MALE hormones NOT female hormones. To prove this theory, the scientists fed 100 women 12 pints of beer and observed that these women became obsessed with sex but fell asleep long before they could please their partners.

Women's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
"Women are like wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

In the interest of making the DBG a healthier group, here's a news story:
"Researchers Discover new Antioxidant in Beer"
First the good news: researchers have discovered that beer contains a powerful antioxidant more potent than those found in red wine, soy, even green tea.
Now the bad: they estimate you'd need to quaff 117 gallons of beer a day to obtain the maximum health benefits of the compound, which is derived from the hops in beer.
.....what's the problem there?!?!?

It seems that a lot of people are dieting recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. Here is another suggestion, one that has worked through the ages: The "Beer-Me" Diet - designed for H2k
FACT: A lite beer has between 70 & 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbs.
FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).
FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you may experience the occasional "How did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
FACT: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
FACT: On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the day's required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
FACT: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig. Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for diet implementation.

CAUTION: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the staunchest of dieters.
MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY: Eat junk food, and basically be a slob.
FRIDAY: Feeling "huge," swing by the liquor store and stock up. Go to favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
SATURDAY: Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved beef jerky from 7-11). Take aspirin. Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food, anyway.
SATURDAY (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with "the dog that bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry.
SUNDAY: Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very convenient diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is a major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star game (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day must be paced to cover the entire day. You don't want to peak too soon. Again notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time. Remember the aspirin.
MONDAY: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly mellow. Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend. Happy dieting!

And after having that new drug called 'beer', here is how you can rate how much of a 'high' you had the night before.
Below is Mozz and Whitey's system of rating the Friday-at-work-post-Thursday-night-capricious-revelry.

1 star hangover: No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched.
You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries from any truck stop USA.
2 star hangover: No pain. Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is surfing internet porn and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover: Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space shot and so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E!fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke - yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover: Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars) your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76. You would shoot your mother for one or all of the following -
1. the clock to strike 5pm
2. the entire appetizer list from TGIFridays or
3. a time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
5 star hangover, aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell: You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pour and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now.
Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is bitch about your state - which is a mystery to you because you definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed, unaccompanied, at your house. The only thing you can do is smoke a bong hit and pass out. It's when you wake up a few hours later with a lesser star hangover that you eat a large pizza, an order of Kung Pao Chicken, a ham and cheese omelet and a batch of rice krispie treats.

The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our
foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer, The bitter, and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen. Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our
foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer, The bitter, and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen.

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke