--Ottumwa, Iowa. 26-27 September 1958.
The excitement in the air could almost be cut with a knife, and only grew more dense since in the past couple of days when everyone began to arrive. Although, during that time, Radar O'Reilly's and Patty Haven's simple, casual wedding was looking to become anything but. They even kept their attendants to one each. Jimmy, Radar's cousin, would stand up with Radar, and Lisa, Patty's cousin, would be her maid-of-honor. The couple were determined to have it as stress-free as possible, and that was just one of the traits Patty so admired in her sweet husband-to-be. His ability to handle nearly any calm in the storm was a great comfort.
Patty along with Radar was so thrilled to see the folks from the MASH unit. They were near and dear to them both, with last Thanksgiving strengthening the family bond. It was planned that the former 4077th personnel would stay at either at Radar's house on the farm or a few yards away at Edna O'Reilly's, his mom.
"What about your families? The born 'n bred kind?"
"Well, most of mine are set up in the bed and breakfast in town." Patty explained to B.J. and the rest. "As you probably know, most of Radar's already live in town, or nearby." So it was settled, then tediously arranged where and in which house everyone would be situated. There was alot of catching up to do since the last ten months of everyone seeing everyone else. Plus new additions to the 'family' to be bragged over. But mostly, being there in support of the bride and groom.
"Oh my, our former company clerk is gonna be a settled-down, married man!" Hunnicutt yelled, hugged Radar and lifted him off his feet.
"Sir, please, cut it out! Somebody might be looking!"
"We also gotta start thinking about what kind of shivaree are we gonna have for them?" Potter proclaimed. "You gotta have one 'em."
"Um, a shivaree? I don't know about that." Radar didn't think that would work out very well.
"Shivaree?" Charles repeated and laughed at the same time. "What kind of hokey thing is that?"
"It's a time-honored tradition, something someone like you.." Potter tried to get nose to nose with him. "Something you wouldn't understand or appreciate."
"Thank God." Winchester couldn't help the slightest of smirks.
B.J. nodded. "Sounds good! Where are we gonna take them?"
"It's got to be after dark." Trapper said with a gleam in his eye.
"Please, uh, nothing like that," Radar spoke before the thing got out of hand. He looked around at everyone. "Me and Patty wanna keep things nice and simple."
"It really wouldn't be that elaborate, we can.." Potter stopped, catching a glimpse at Radar's worried face. "Okay, no shivaree. Let's just have a great time with your wedding."
"Appreciate it, sir."
Hawkeye took Radar aside. "One thing, Radar, my..."
"Please tell your dad we sure thank him for his kind thoughts."
"But he's got a critical.."
"That we hope his patient gets better soon."
"He wants to.. ahh.." Hawkeye gave up on the conversation. "Yeah, okay, thanks."
"Pierce," Potter came over. "Your dad couldn't make the trip this time? Sorry to hear that."
"I'll be sure and convey your sympathies." Hawkeye replied with a wink.
"Yes, Hawkeye," Mildred said as she joined their group. "Please tell your father hello, and that we missed him."
Potter put a hand on Hawkeye's shoulder. "But you don't have to go to the trouble, if you don't wish to."
"Did I tell you sirs that I, both Patty and me, got a card of well-wishes from Mrs. Blake. Mrs. Henry Blake. After all this time. It was very nice." A lump caught in his throat. "They're doing pretty good. She and kids..."
"That's great to hear." Hawkeye quietly agreed. "I've thought about them from time to time, too. Maybe we should all invade Bloomington sometime soon."
"I'm sure Mrs. Blake would really love that." Trapper jested.
"Anyway," Pierce went on. "With thinking of Henry, I have brought a.. ah, film.. to watch at your.. ah, party later."
"Another movie? I got a couple of 'em, too. What yours?"
"You'll see."
As the settling in was still going on, B.J. waited until he and Hawkeye were away from most of the others before he voiced his mind. "Okay, spill it."
"Spill what?" Pierce replied, but he realized his facial expression was giving away that he knew what Hunnicutt made reference to.
"You know.." he nodded toward Amanda. "You came with her. Just you and she, don't think I didn't notice. She told Peg and me that she was going out to Maine to see you. That was over a week ago, we haven't heard from her since. Then, you two show up here, together."
"Haven't heard from her?" Hawkeye attempted to change the focus away from them. "Are you two her keeper?"
"No, but in this situation, she's kind of kept us abreast of your relationship. Just the basics, mind you. But her trip, all alone, to Crabapple Cove was a big step."
"Oh, you think so?" Hawkeye looked sheepishly at the ground.
"What's this? Hawkeye Pierce acting shy? I've seen you only act like this with one other girl and.. oh my.."
"Does it show? I mean.." he stammered. "I mean, I'm not that way, am I?"
"I'd say a little bit." B.J. brought up his hand with his forefinger and thumb less than an inch apart.
"I dunno, Beej," Hawkeye glanced in Amanda's direction then back to his friend. "I watched her sleeping and..."
"Watched her sleeping?" B.J. repeated. "You mean, you two...?"
"Shhh..." Hawkeye shook his head. "No, actually no, uh, actually, well, yeah.."
"Okay, all right, now finish what you were gonna say." B.J. urged but couldn't help a teasing wink.
"I felt something, Beej, I actually felt something. It's more than just something. It's alot."
"Good. Nice. Do you still feel it now?"
"Uh-huh, I do. I wanted her to stay, and I wanted to stay, and not just because it was my house."
"Have you said anything to her?"
"Gotta work up the courage."
"Now I know there's something more than just a casual thing. Much more." B.J. snorted as he and Hawkeye strolled into Mrs. O'Reilly's backyard where Peg and Margaret were at the picnic table, comparing baby notes with James and Kimberly.
"My little middle-namesake!" Pierce took James from Peg. "Have ya'll starting in calling him 'J.B.' yet? Ha-ha-ha."
"Probably as he gets older." B.J. sat down beside his wife.
They all watched as Hawkeye lifted the boy up over his head, making him squeak with laughter, but Margaret cautioned him. "You do that too vigorously and you may get a face full of his breakfast."
"That's true, Hawkeye," Peg giggled.
"Or," he sniffed a couple of times and his grin turned to question. "Um, something else.."
"You went and did it now, buddy!" Hunnicutt and the women were enjoying the none-too-pleasant look on Hawkeye's face. "Yep, and guess who gets the honor..."
"Don't worry, Hawk, I will," Peg took James back from Pierce. "Excuse me while I see to this."
"Well, Kim and I decided he's about the sweetest, most handsomest little fellow around, don't we," she gushed joyously with her little girl.
"Thanks Peg," Hawkeye replied and faced Margaret. "Let's see, now for the next young one to charm."
"Ah, I'm not so sure, after the effect you had on James." She put up her hand between Pierce and Kimberly.
With complete assurances and promises that he would not shake Kimberly around too much, Margaret finally relented in allowing Pierce to hold her. Doing so, strengthened his thoughts on having one of his on. Both Margaret and B.J. encouraged that. Perhaps not immediately, but someday.
When Hawkeye handed the baby back to Margaret, B.J. leaned over to Pierce to whisper something to him, which caused them both quite the snickers.
"What are you up to?"
"Nothing, we were just..."
"Just what? You two delinquents better not be saying something about my child!"
"Nothing, Margaret. You know we'd never say anything even remotely bad about Kim. She's absolutely precious." Hawkeye defended.
"Nevermind, I really don't want to know what you two degenerates come up with."
"Gentlemen," Charles came outside to join them. "Margaret, remember what we talked about? We agreed to limit Kimberly's exposure to Pierce."
"Oh, now that you mention it." She gave a sneer both to Hawkeye and B.J., then excused herself and her daughter.
"I'm totally offended! How can you think I'm a bad influence?" He acted with mock effrontery.
Charles and B.J. glanced at each other then replied in unison. "Are you kidding?"
"Thanks, yes, thanks alot, buddies," Pierce continued with his supposed hurt feelings. "Hanging out with me, I can show your daughter, and your son and daughter," he pointed to Winchester and Hunnicutt, respectively, "the humorous, fun side of life. Not like any of the pompous and/or square suburbian things I'm sure you two'll be heaping upon them."
"Humorous? More like something to go along with your degenerate nature."
"Funny, Margaret said the exact same thing. But anyhow, Charles, I promise you," B.J. spoke up. "In Hawkeye's defense, we both were only remarking how lovely Kim is, and Margaret told us how your daughter has inherited her dad's eyes.." With this remark, Charles gave a a nod and slight shrug. At the pause, Hawkeye took up the jest. "To make it even, we were just agreeing that it's nice that she inherited her mother's.. hair. To uh, make it even between her parents is all."
Amid the peals of laughter at his expense, Charles threw up his hands in a disgusted gesture, and turned to walk away. "Oh, it was all meant as a compliment," Hawkeye called and he and B.J. hurried to catch up with him.
That evening, while his mother was hosting Patty's shower at her house, the stag party at Radar's had gotten off to a rousing start. The activities included a few hands of poker and the watching of "Tokyo Joe," a Humphrey Bogart movie. Which the latter was accompanied by the groom-to-be's indelible impressions of the movie star.
"Sir, here's your, um, film back." Radar handed the container to Hawkeye. "I hope you're not too disappointed in not getting to watch it tonight."
Pierce took the film can. "Ah, 'What the Parrot Saw.' It was one of Henry's favorites."
"I know, but those things get me to breathing funny and all. I might come close to fainting or something, too." Radar lowered his voice. "Besides, with Patty's father here," he nodded toward Mr. Haven. "I'm not sure how good it would be to.."
"Yeah, okay," Hawkeye agreed. "But remember one thing, after tomorrow night, I'm sure you'll be cured of that funny way of breathing."
"Sure hope so, sir. Wow!" Radar beamed delightedly. He missed the snickers between Hawkeye, B.J., Klinger and Trapper when Jimmy brought him a bunch of long, shaved and sharpened sticks, and urged everyone outside.
"Don't tell us what we are going to do with those. I bet I can get it right. Uh, practice sword-fighting?" Trapper was about to let a hearty laugh go, but decided against it. "Go on, tell us."
"Nah," Radar grinned proudly, and began to pass them out. "These are to hold our hotdogs for roasting over the open fire outside."
"Also marshmallows." Jimmy echoed, helping his cousin with the stick distribution.
Charles held out the stick he was given. "Roasting hotdogs and marshmallows? What's next? A hayride? Squaredancing?"
"If he wants one, why not?" Potter gritted through his teeth. "Don't be a sour apple."
With Trapper's, Klinger's, Jimmy's and Mr. Haven's help, Radar had the fire blazing in no time.
"Thank you sirs!"
"No problem, Radar, but you don't have to keep calling all of us sir."
"Oh thanks, sir," he answered on the run, making sure there was enough wood handy to keep the flames going for a long time.
"Yeah," Trapper gave a whatcha-gonna-do shrug. "Well anyways, how about you, Winchester? Have you ever roasted hotdogs over an open fire? Or is all of your hotdogs just of the catered variety?"
"In the former Major Winchester's defense," Klinger spoke proudly. "He did one time have the best hotdogs in the world.. Tony Packo's!"
"Ha! So, give me that!" Charles snatched up one of the dogs and speared it onto the stick.
"This is gonna be fun!" Radar beamed with excitement, and the others joined in. At least for the groom-to-be's benefit. He went over to where Father Mulcahy was trying to carefully maneuver a hotdog onto the stick he held. "Father, um, do ya know a blessing for a cookout such as this?"
"I'm not sure, son." He scratched his head. "I do believe I was at a barbeque one time where the bishop assigned me to say grace for the meal. So perhaps I can wing it here."
"Thanks alot, Father."
The hotdog roast went really good. As everyone seemed to have a good time, especially the groom-to-be. Klinger even declared that those dogs were almost as good as Packo's. But not quite. Radar warned everyone not to get too full, for the best roast was the marshmallows. He and Jimmy then brought out several bags and passed them around.
"Are you going to actually eat that?" Trapper pointed to Hawkeye's blackened marshmallow remains.
"It has possibilities." He flipped the stick to and fro, trying to cool it down, when the two end marshmallows were flicked loose and went airborne.
"I couldn't wait to start building in Stinson Beach. It's really lovely and..." B.J. was telling Patty's dad all about his and Peg's move once he had gotten back from Korea, when suddenly a warm object thumped against his shoulder and stuck there. Slowly Hunnicutt surveyed what it was, then after scraping it off, he noticed Hawkeye's less-than-innocent stance. "It could only come from..."
"Beej, no.. Ah, it was... " Pierce started backing up. "It was Trapper, he did it."
"Liar! I did not!" But he still moved out of B.J.'s way.
McIntyre's protests were unnecessary, B.J. knew the truth. When Klinger promptly handed him a stick with a line of warm marshmallows, Hunnicutt took one off and carefully lined up a good aim.
Patty put the new blender she had just unwrapped and shown to the group on the gift table. "That's really nice." She glanced over the present-ladened surface. "But I'm sad that Aunt Betty, the kids and all the others had to leave."
"No, you aren't." Her mom replied without looking up from her writing the thank-you list.
"Well, anyways," Patty covered her sheepish smile and picked up the next package.
"Oh that's really nice. When Sherman and I.." Mildred paused at the sound of laughter and shouts off in the distance. "When we were first married, we had.. Now, what is that?" They all grew silent, intently listened to the roar outside rise in volume.
Louise crept to the door and opened it. "They've got to be up to something."
"They're having a bonfire?" Peg looked out as well.
"Wonder what it could be?" Patty joined them then went on out. "Oh, that's it, they must be having the hotdog and marshmallow roast. Walter said he'd like to have one."
"That sounds rather.. nice?" Amanda voiced with curiosity to the other women who gathered around.
"We gotta go investigate." Lisa gushed to her cousin.
"Why don't we?" Soon-Lee got in the spirit.
"That would be good, but I don't think we should haul the kids all the way over there. Not to be a party pooper, but I really don't want to get Kimberly out in that night air."
"Margaret's right." Peg said, and thought with James all tucked in, she also didn't want to get Erin and him bundled up for a cold walk in the dark.
"Well, I want to know what's happening. At least indirectly, if not directly," Mildred stepped in the middle of the crowd. "So if you all will go and see what kind of less than reputable behavior those so-called grown-up men are having, I'll stay here and mind the young ones."
"Count me in on that." Edna O'Reilly replied, and Mrs. Haven echoed the two older ladies' sentiments.
"What do you think, Margaret? Peg?"
"All right, but it has to be up to Patty."
"I'd kind of like to go. Is that okay? I don't want to spoil the beautiful shower here, but.."
"You just got to know.." Amanda finished.
"Me, too." Soon-Lee nodded in agreement. "Knowing Max, he's one of the chief instigators."
"Though, Soon-Lee, are you up to this?"
"Yeah, usually any nausea comes in the morning. Besides, the doctor told me walking does good."
"We're going to be sneaky about it aren't we?"
Lisa put an arm around her cousin's shoulders. "That's the only way to do it."
Comfortable and assured that Mildred, Edna and Mrs. Haven had gotten every last child-minding detail, the investigation was a go. Patty, along with Lisa, Peg, Margaret, Louise, Amanda, and Soon-Lee, carefully headed toward Radar's. Using the one flashlight brought to diminish detection, the women were able to reach the clump of trees on the edge of the yard.
"Just what are they doing?" Soon-Lee wondered as others did in total amazement.
Louise peered around the tree for a closer look. "With them, everything but what they are supposed to be doing."
"Omigosh, duck!" Peg quickly yanked her back as a small, white projectile whizzed by.
"What is it?"
Lisa went to retrieve the object. "You have got to be kidding."
"A marshmallow?" Patty took the sticky thing from her cousin. With her statement, everyone took a careful, more closer look at what the men were up to.
They watched in total unbelief as those little white, adhering masses were flying everywhere as though the yard was a combat zone. But in fact, the majority of the stuff seemed to be adhered to menfolk themselves.
After a little debate over how long to let the marshmallow war continue, Peg stepped out from the line of trees. "What's going on?!" Then the others quickly followed.
The guys came to an abrupt halt and total silence took the place of the previous riot. Trapper was the first to speak. "Hawkeye started it."
"Yeah!" "It was him." "Pierce is the one." Echoed around the group.
"No, I didn't!" He protested. "B.J. just got in the way." He walked over to Amanda. "Really, it wasn't my fault."
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" She playfully stood her ground.
"Well, uh, no, I do think you know me better than that." Hawkeye moved even closer, and when he promised not to smear the marshmallow leavings on her, Amanda cautiously let him kiss her.
She wiped the marshmallow from her face. "Sweet."
"How's that for a reminder?" Hawkeye asked, and Amanda nodded at the remembrance of their first date.
"Walter!" Patty admonished, stomping over to Radar.
"You're not mad, are ya?" He had removed his glasses and was desperately trying to get them wiped off.
"No, I should be, but I'm not. Though, I did want to be the one wearing white." She helped him remove the excess goop. "Honey, I think you got it worst of all. Did you give in return as bad as you got? Or were you their prime target?"
"Uh, Patty, you see," Trapper tried to explain. "Most of the marshmallows sort of gravitated to your bridegroom. Don't worry, we'll make sure he's all spic and span clean before tomorrow. Or at least we'll try our best."
"That's good," Louise approached him. "Then who's going to supervising the rest of you little boys?"
Trapper put on his trademark grin. "Well, did you bring the shower with you? By the way, did you have a nice time?"
"Just grand, and speaking of showers.."
"Come on, Lisa, help me get some towels." Patty headed toward the house. "Perhaps we can help scrub away the outer layer of muck."
Lisa followed her cousin. "Why don't we just turn the garden hose on them?"
"Better yet, dunk them in the pond." Soon-Lee said as she went with Patty and Lisa to fetch towels. She hadn't been listening to Klinger plead his case.
Peg put her hands on her hips. "Now I wish Mildred had come with us to see this."
"Where is my missus, anyhow? I thought she'd be leading the charge over here."
"She and Radar's and Patty's moms are watching the kids while we came over here to check on real babies." Amanda tried to keep Hawkeye at arm's length.
"Oh, that's good," Potter felt a bit relieved. "We don't really have to go into detail about all of this."
"You better believe we do."
"She wants a full report."
Sherman Potter groaned hard. "Oh my."
"Daddy, I'm surprised to see you not in the middle of this." Patty said when she, Lisa and Soon-Lee came from the house with baskets of as many towels as they could find. She handed a few of them around, then took several to Radar.
"No, Patty, the Father here and myself were the only smart ones in this bunch." Mr. Haven laughed along. "We took cover as best as we could."
Mulcahy joined the crowd. "I did well to stay out of the line of fire. Almost." He indicated the traces of marshmallow still in his hair.
"You build a campfire like good boyscouts," Soon-Lee carried out a load of towels. "But act like anything besides."
Klinger grinned sheepishly and hurried to take the bundle from his wife. "It was fun, and I'm sorry about landing that marshmallow at you, Father. But truly I was aiming for Dr. Winchester."
"I ducked." Charles boasted proudly. "But as you can see, I was on the receiving end of a quite a few of those little devilments myself."
"Yeah, good job," Margaret laughingly agreed as she took a couple of the soaked towels from Patty.
With the women's assistance the guys were cleaned up to a presentable state before they would be tracking through the house. Of course, with the group being who they were, and having had that many towels on hand, the washing off evolved into a towel-snapping party before everyone finally decided to call it a night and thought ahead to the events to come the next day.
