Author's notes: The title is from a favorite Bryan White song of the same name. I was listening to it as I wrote, and not yet having a title, and thinking the song nicely fit the story's theme. Also, thanks to Kate H. and SaRa for ideas borrowed.
I paced back and forth. Worry, worry, worry. I stopped when I caught sight of Sgt. Zale as he finally came from the CO's office and strode across the compound. He came into the supply building and promptly stomped up to me.
"Well?" I bravely asked him, but all quakes inside. "Is everything all right? Did I mess everything up very bad? I mean where it's irreparable?"
"Aahhh," Zale gritted through his teeth, then got another look at my anxious, petrified face. He took a breath. "Nope, I believe it's all fixed up now."
"Thank you, I'm sorry, I didn't mean.."
"Yeah, I know, you didn't mean to."
This was the second time for me to blunder things but good. I had only been at the 4077th for a little over a month. A Private in the Women's Army Corps, but I sadly couldn't last out nurses' training, and one of my instructors had the good foresight to see the intense pressure nurses are under would do me in. Bless her. Although, I had the utmost respect for those who handle it quite well. At least, I didn't get queasy around the OR. Well, so that it's not noticeable or mainly that it didn't interfere with anything that goes on in there. That was the last thing they need around here. Since I did enlist, and wasn't a nurse, the brass had to find somewhere to place me. So when this unit put out the call for a supply clerk to assist Sgt. Zelmo Zale and to help free up the nurses from time to time with inventorying supplies, well, to cut a boring story short, here I am.
At this go around, the 8063rd was short of white cotton sutures and could do with some extra blankets. We had some of those to spare. Col. Sherman Potter assigned Zale and me to get a shipment ready to send to them. But leave it to me. I did great in getting both the sutures and blankets boxed up and on the truck. Only with one minor flaw. I got the 8063 mixed up with the 8055, and that's where the those supplies ended up. Now, I hope with Col. Potter's patience, and Radar's, the company clerk, incredible knack of quick remediation, the blankets and sutures could be rerouted to their proper destination.
I had volunteered to get in contact with the 8063rd and the 8055th myself to rectify this mix-up, but one look on the Colonel's face instantly told me without question that he didn't want me anywhere near his office, a phone, and I'd be lucky if I was let back into the supply rooms.
This didn't get me off the hot seat, though. There was still the memory of my first week here. I had tried to pitch in anywhere I could. My first time in the OR when casualties were especially heavy, I think I did pretty good. But later, I attempted to do the laundry, and that was my first bungle. When I got Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt's red shirt caught up with the surgical gowns, aprons and masks, I was politely asked never ever touch the laundry again. Well, Major Charles E. Winchester wasn't quite so polite in voicing his displeasure to me. I felt worse than anyone that the doctors and nurses had to operate in pink gowns, aprons and masks for a couple of days before we could get our hands on some bleach. And when that happened, thankfully, all got restored to the pristine white. Now, will three times be the charm. I pray that will never happen.
Back to the blunder at hand, "No, Private," Zale started in that gruff way of his. "It looks like everything is going to be all right."
"I'm not discharged or transferred or something worse?"
"No, not yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if that didn't happen soon with the way things have been going."
"I promise, I'll improve."
"You better."
By dinnertime that evening, I learned Radar had indeed got all matters straightened out and the supplies had arrived at the right MASH unit. Unbelievably for myself, I did something rather bold. So caught up in the fact that he saved my keister with getting that maneuver accomplished, I sat down beside him after disposing of my tray.
"I wanted to thank you, Radar, that was really careless of me. I should know the unit numbers by heart by now."
"Oh, it's okay," he turned to smile at me, making my heartrate speed up, then continued eating. Goodness, he sure has a voracious appetite. My heart was still pounding, I sure hoped he couldn't hear it. "All turned out well. Besides, they both begin with 8-0."
"Yeah," I laughed. "I suppose they do. Well, I just wanted to say thanks again."
"Sure."
I wish I could have something else to say. Some purpose in which to talk to him about. I've wanted to talk to him for all these weeks, ever since I had arrived. But at the moment, my mind was total blank. So, instead of trying to awe him with witty conversation, I bid a hasty "see ya," and got up to leave with barely a nod of the head from him. Oh well, what did I expect?
Slipping silently and unnoticed out of the mess tent was my plan, silent I did, unnoticed I wasn't. Although, I didn't know it yet. My spirit was heavy by the time I reached my bunk in the nurses' tent. So grateful I was the only one there, giving me time to get feelings in order before someone did come in.
I managed a good cover when a couple of the nurses, Bigelow and Baker, did come into the tent, followed by the rest. They were all abuzz because tonight was movie night, and going on about who they'd be sitting with and all. How nice. It was a double feature one with Abbott and Costello's "The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap" and John Wayne's "Fort Apache". Two films I'd love to see, but I didn't know about going and sitting by myself, and definitely wasn't thrilled at catching sight of Radar sitting with another girl, if he did so. I mean, who he sits with is his business, I just didn't want to be a party to it. But the nurses were so considerate, and made me fit right in, though I wasn't exactly one of them. I was eventually talked into going, for they proclaimed it to be really a group gathering.
Radar wasn't in the mess tent when I arrived, but right in the middle of the first feature, the Abbott and Costello film, he came in. With the darkened tent, he took the nearest available seat, and it happened to be right at the end of my row, which meant he sat not close to me but by Kellye.
After a half hour, I couldn't take it any longer, they were having too much fun down there, laughing and mimicking along with the show. I don't blame either one for it, just wish it was me. Muttering some excuse, I quickly left the mess tent. Or at least I tried to. In the doorway, I nearly barreled headlong into Capt. Hunnicutt.
"Whoa, hold up, aren't you going to miss the fun?"
"That's what I'm trying to do," my mumble was inaudible. I looked up at him, and momentarily forgot my train of thought. After a deep breath, "I just need some air, ah, it's a lovely night."
"Well, okay, but hurry back, and don't catch a chill."
"All right," I promised.
Back home, walking always did me good. There was no problem I couldn't solve if I could get out like this, especially in a clear night with the trillions of stars all sparkling bright. It was truly beautiful. God's perfect wonder, I had always thought at this time. I imagined if all the soldiers, and the military big shots could stop just a moment and look up at a sky such as this, oh well, wishful thinking on my part.
I didn't know how far I'd walked when I saw it. The beauty and magnificence of a falling star. Caught up in the moment, I hurriedly made a wish. Probably will never come true, but I could enjoy the romance of it all. I was so enthralled that my name had to be called three times before I was snapped out of my reverie.
"There you are."
The smile lighting my whole face as brilliant as all of the stars put together, couldn't be helped as Radar was marching toward me. The idea of my wish immediately coming true took my breath away.
"Captain Hunnicutt said you were out here." He marched up, alittle out of breath himself. "The Colonel needs to get that shipment of penicillin, morphine and curare sorted right away."
"The truck's here? It's not due in until..."
"Yeah, not due 'til morning. But, it's on it's way from battalion aid."
"Ah, thank you, Radar," I smiled.
"Just doing my job." He turned back towards camp. "Besides, Capt. Hunnicutt sorta volunteered me."
"He did?" I was puzzled and pleased at the same time. "Well, before you go, what do you think of nights like this?"
"They're all right, I guess," he ducked his head sheepishly, accompanied by my favorite shrug. "The ones back in Ottumwa are just a whole lot better."
"That's nice," I'd love to see one of those, but much too scared to tell him so.
So much for my starry night rendezvous with him. I was intrigued to Captain Hunnicutt's involvement. Did he innocently send Radar out to find me? Or single him out specifically for the task? Whatever the reason, I was awfully glad he did so.
Sgt. Zale and myself stayed up until the wee hours of the morning getting the medicine off the truck and sorted and put up in its proper place. By the way it looks we've got enough morphine, penicillin and the rest to last out ten wars, but I know it's better to have too much than have the wounded do without. I did good, dropped not a box or a vial, even Zale remarked about my efficiency.
I felt like I could sleep for days. But something's or somebody's always going to run short or be totally out of something else. Although, for the next two days, our supplies were pretty much on an even keel.
Then, the third day came around. I guess the supply big shots thought we needed a lot more. One more box to go. At least it was a small one of extra IV bags. And it was light. While I was finishing breakfast some rookie driver had delivered the set of supplies actually into the offices. Bucking for a promotion, I guess. Just great, more work for me. But who am I to grouse?
"Are you sure you can manage these?" Radar asked as I got a good hold on the packages. "And get them to the supply building all right?"
"Ah, yes, but thanks," I smiled, wanting to think that what he said was out of an offer to help rather than assurance that I wouldn't make another mistake. I haven't since the mix-up with the blankets and cotton sutures going to the wrong unit, but the folks around here are still a little leery. If they could have seen me the other night with the medicine. I am bound and determined to show him and everyone I'm dependable and competent. Especially him. If only he would notice other things about me.
He's so sweet, offering to help me carry all of it, but just then Col. Potter came in, wanting him for something, and startling me so that I nearly dropped my load, but thankfully didn't. I assured Radar that I could manage this on my own, pausing for a moment while he disappeared into the Colonel's office.
I was going to beat it out of there, wanting to hurry to the supply building before I did get into some kind of disaster, but the two personnel coming out of Post-Op and into the office made me stop for a moment and observe. It was the camp's resident thoracic surgeon and head nurse in quite an intense, animated conversation. Something about a particular diagnosis. I hated to stare and to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it. It's just those two were such a kick to watch, especially when they were anywhere near each other. I quietly moved to the door before either or both of them could notice or acknowledge me.
"Oh, you're still here. Good." Radar emerged from Col. Potter's office, carrying a small box. "We missed one, it was in the other office for some reason. Are you sure you can handle all of this? Are you having trouble?"
"Yeah, I... " Our sudden interruption broke up the conversation of the two officers.
"We'll finish this at another time, Major," Margaret said, as she regained composure in front of us.
"I think it's finished, Major, but if it's not," Charles retorted. "Perhaps it'll be where we won't be rudely interrupted." With that and a glare at Radar and myself, he stomped out of the office.
"Oh!" Margaret growled and slammed back into Post-Op.
After a moment of silence, "Those two are a sight, aren't they?"
"Majors Winchester and Houlihan?" He looked down at me. "They're always like that. They get on each other's nerves more than anyone in camp."
"It's more than that," I smiled, shifting my bundle a bit.
"Think so? Naw, there's nothing between them."
"I wouldn't be so quick to make that assumption."
Radar shrugged, and grinned that grin I adore so well, and after my promise I can get these supplies to their proper location, I left the offices.
I'd taken just a few steps, when I heard the doors shut close behind me. Radar had come out, notes in hand and walked up to the bulletin board.
"Did you like the movies the other night?"
"Uh, yeah, well, what I saw of them," he replied, still busy tacking memos to the board.
"I guess that was my fault," I sighed, adjusting my bundles. "I really like John Wayne movies, and the Abbott and Cost... but just can't resist a night like that. I just have to get out."
"Oh," Radar finished with the bulletins, and he was about to turn and go back into the office when he took one more look at me. "Now, you could use help with these." He took some of the boxes from me.
"Well, all right, thanks," I eagerly let him, thrilled to be able to get to talk with him some more.
As we headed for the supply storage, I conveyed my love of animals, and he began to tell me all about his rabbits, Bongo and Fluffy, his guinea pig, Babette, and his prize-winning mouse, Daisy. And promised to properly introduce me to them one day soon.
"Speaking again of the movies, I hear you do impressions."
"A few," he grinned shyly.
"Please, may I hear one?"
"Just one."
He marveled me with his take on John Wayne from the film, "Red River." He's very talented. As we were about to go into the building, Cpl. Klinger put the call out over the PA that Radar was needed back in Col. Potter's office. Oh well. He laid the packages down just inside the door and with a muttered "'scuse me", hurried back to the hospital.
"Thanks again," I breathed, absently watching him scurry across the compound. It came automatically, my lips soundlessly whispering, "I love you." I stood for a few moments, staring at the closed office door, before finally coming back to earth.
And that was when I caught sight of Capt. Pierce watching me with amusement. Oh no! How long had he been standing there? I quickly turned to the supplies to begin putting them away. Perhaps he saw nothing and would move on.
"Here, I'll give you a hand with those." No such luck.
"Oh, sir, I can manage." I couldn't look straight at him.
"So, you got it kind of bad?"
"Not really. I appreciate your help, but I could've... "
"That's not what I mean, at all," he laughed as he placed the last of the boxes in their proper location. "You know what I mean. Radar."
"Radar? What about Radar? There's nothing about Radar." My abrupt screech, partnered with what he witnessed earlier told him all he needed to know. I was sunk.
"I had my suspicions."
"Really, it's nothing. There's nothing to be suspicious about." Covering was futile, I knew.
"I take it the boy wonder clerk doesn't know, I mean, by you not having said anything?"
"No, he doesn't, and if I have my way, he won't ever."
"What kind of fun is that? Hey, let's go tell him right now!" He headed for the door, and in a complete surge of panic, I grabbed onto his arm, desperately trying to prevent him from leaving. "It'll be fine, you see, once Radar knows all about this."
"Oh, my! Please Captain Pierce!!"
"Hawkeye."
"Please Captain Hawkeye, please don't go over there!"
"Okay, I won't now," he promised. "But it's no good if you keep things like this bottled up."
"Yeah, like I have a chance."
"You never know unless you try. I mean, talk to him. He's not going to bite your head off." He nudged me, "but if he decides to, it might be fun."
"Sure," I couldn't help but laugh along with him. "Thanks. But it seems like every time I do, he has to leave to go and do something else. We're always cut short."
"Well, with you two..." Hawkeye grinned. Boy, I set myself up for that. He turned to go, "well, perhaps we can get something together for you."
"We?" Oh no, what did he mean about that? Hawkeye gave a wink and left, with me wondering just what he could have up his sleeve.
I found it out the very next day. As I was walking back from lunch, a heard a sharp "pssst" and looked to see Capt. Hunnicutt at the corner of the kitchen, he frantically motioned me over.
"What's going on?" As soon as I came close, Hawkeye walked up and deftly handed me a bunny. "Huh? What's this for?"
"Ah, Radar's out behind the hospital, looking for him," he explained. "You know, this is uh, Bongo, I believe. Now, be sweet and go give it to him, please."
"I can't. No. This is.." Despite my protests, B.J. pushed me in the direction of the hospital, bunny in hand. I took a few steps, then looked back at them and they just waved me on and mouthed, "go!" What did they really do? Took the rabbit, for Radar to discover missing, send him looking out in the field then wait for me to take it to him? Oh, boy. And now, I'm a party to this.. this.. bunny caper? "No, Captains, I'm not so sure about this," I came hurrying back to them. "Thanks, anyway but..."
"It'll be all right. You just go out there, and hand him the rabbit and Radar will do the rest. And you just follow along. It's as simple as that."
"Ah, too late, Hawk," B.J. spoke up. "Look." We all did so, to see Radar come around the corner of Post-Op.
"No problem, here we go," and before I could protest further, he pushed me, along with Bongo, out into the camp.
"Ah, Bongo, it's nice to meet you but," I whispered, stroking his fur. "What are we doing? People sure are pushing us around today." I took an even deeper breath, "Um, Radar? Look who I've got."
"You found him?" He rushed toward me. "Where was he? I don't care, I'm just so happy he's back!" He took Bongo from me. I threw a glance over my shoulder to find Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt had conveniently disappeared.
"Well, ah, he was just hanging out over there," I explained as we walked over to the rabbit hutch. We had a good conversation. Mostly about animals. He told me about the turtle he had "raised from a pup." I still couldn't bring myself to reveal my feelings for him. It was near to impossible.
A few days later, I sat down to breakfast with a couple of the nurses, when they got on the subject of would Klinger be able to handle the mail sufficiently. At my wonderment at why it was Klinger, and not Radar, on mail detail and to my sudden despair, I learned Radar was about to embark on a few weeks of R and R in Tokyo. I was no longer very hungry. I sat to myself long after the others had left. The world wasn't ending, he'd be back, but I just selfishly didn't want him to go, or better, wanted to go, too.
"Hey, things not right?" I looked up to see B.J. looking down at me with question.
"Is it true? Is he going away?"
"Oh, that. It's just for a couple of weeks." He sat down across from me. "Col. Potter felt like he needs this more than anyone."
"Yeah, don't worry," Hawkeye joined us. "He'll be back before you know it. Older and wiser."
"Wiser? You really think that?" B.J. frowned a bit.
"No, no, of course, he'll always be eternally innocent."
"I think he'll need someone to take care of his rabbits, and guinea pigs, and whatever else he's added to that menagerie. You can ask him." Now Capt. Hunnicutt's suggestion had possibilities. They began describing all the tasks I would undertake and how Radar would be very grateful. I wasn't sure what I really thought about if the way to this man's heart is through his animals. They both had me laughing about pet stories in their childhoods, and I learned about Capt. Hunnicutt's dog, Waggle. After this, things weren't as bleak.
Our mirth was momentarily put on hold when Major Winchester came up to the table and tossed the OD armband down in front of B.J.
"This is yours for tomorrow. So take it."
"I know, Charles," B.J. response was casual. "Take a load off. We're discussing childhood pets. Tell us about yours."
"I have all the pets I need, right here. Gentlemen." He eyed both Captains Hunnicutt and Pierce, and gave me a sideways glance, "and Miss," then turned on his heel and walked briskly out of the tent.
"You'll have to excuse him," Hawkeye broke in. "Charles was a deprived child."
"Sure smells good," I sighed.
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Now, you really think Radar will let me tend to his animals?"
Without much fanfare, Radar left bright and shining early the next morning. I did manage to tell him good-bye and have fun before he left, without my speech getting all tangled up. He let me care for the animals, and I knew that was in part of me 'finding' his rabbit. Going through the next few weeks was pretty much routine with him gone. At least for me. Supply shipments came in, and orders went out. Casualties came in, and patched up, healing soldiers went out. And I got to keep an eye on Bongo, Babette, Fluffy and the rest. Did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.
Then, one day, he returned. I watched from the supply building's doorway as Radar was wheeled into camp, back from R and R all safe and sound. As word got out, personnel poured out from everywhere and converged on him to welcome him home. I was thrilled of his return, but too shy to join in the public celebration.
He looked different, more grown-up. Had he met someone there? I shuddered at the thought of it. I finished getting everything straightened in the storage area, then swallowing my fear, I wandered over to the office to find Radar also straightening, sorting and all out repairing the paper mess Klinger left.
"Oh wow," I breezed in. "Let me help you with.."
"No, no, I can take care of it. Darn that Klinger." He was stacking files end to end in a neat trail circling the office. "I wasn't gone that long, was I? How could someone get this so..." He glanced at me, and stopped what he was about to say.
"But now you're back," I was quietly grateful. "So things can be back in proper order," forgive me, Klinger, I sighed, picking up a file and began to follow his sorting pattern. "Tell me about your trip."
After a little more prodding, he told me the fun he had in Tokyo. A fascinating city, I'll have to visit it sometime. Perhaps with him. It'll be only in my dreams. Then I heard about the girl. Patty from Lancaster, Missouri. I pasted on a smile and listened carefully, and thought how awfully glad he was back here with me, so to speak. We had a nice afternoon. I helped when I could, but mostly I listened as he went on with his describing of life in Tokyo, then even did a couple more of his impressions.
"What? You're leaving the 4077th?" My voice caught in my throat. Radar had come to talk to Sgt. Zale to see if he had any leads about finding a generator, for the camp's had conked out. I tried not to be witness to the tale of how it happened. For I had heard it many times over from Zale, and none too gentle, mainly about his animosity toward Klinger. Now, it was my world that was conking out. He was going home. For good. My sympathies were with him, and especially with his mom, over his Uncle Ed's passing. I knew this was best for him to leave but I couldn't help a little bit of longing for him here. I watched Radar stomp back to the offices, wondering how much longer I'd be able to do that before he walked out of my life forever.
I tried my best to throw myself into work, and helping the camp in any way I could with the generator shortage. And actually got pretty efficient in following the doctors and nurses around with the flashlights without getting in the way. Both Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt were astounded that I still hadn't said anything to Radar about the way I feel. Even chiding me that I can put in for a transfer and hopefully be sent home, then once there, let nature take its course.
Also, there was Radar's good-bye party to plan and decorate for. The mess tent never looked so festive, and so sad at the same time. I promised myself that I would say something today. I would take him aside here at his party, and go for broke, as Hawkeye advised me to do.
Suddenly, the sound. Choppers. And then ambulances. Like lightning, the compound was a flurry with action as the wounded came in and triage began, putting a halt to Radar's warm sendoff. I only got a brief glimpse of his interaction with Col. Potter and Capt. Hunnicutt, before I had to hustle into the supply room. He wasn't leaving now, was he? I haven't had the time to... oh I can't think about that now. As the last of the wounded was moved into Pre-Op, and when I could be spared for a second, I raced for the compound, stopping several yards away from his jeep as I saw he was just getting into it. Oh, what do I do?
"Radar, I," came in a whisper. But he heard it and turned to face me. He looked so distraught, I couldn't go any further. So I just silently waved good-bye. He slowly returned the wave, then turned back to the driver and I heard him say, "let's go." And just like that, in a trail of dust, he was gone.
"Hey, c'mon," Klinger hollered at me. "They're running low on the 3-O silk."
"Coming right up," I answered with despondence, and hurried to get the item.
The sun was just setting when I finally left out of the hospital. It had been a hard shift. But a successful one, for all the casualties had made it through surgery just fine, and were recovering nicely in the Post-Op. I automatically walked out to the place where Radar's jeep had been. It was my fault, I had plenty of opportunities to talk to him, plenty of encouragement and advice, and I took not a thing. It just wasn't meant to be, so I guess I'll not be putting in for a transfer and stay right here. Which here wasn't so bad. But how can I go on when I feel my heart breaking? Good thing's work never seems to end, even now I have to get a requisition in order for I think a shipment of tongue depressors. Good. How could I mess up a load of tongue depressors?
As I slowly made my way to the supply building, I stopped for a moment to observe Majors Houlihan and Winchester emerge from the changing room. They were in the midst of one of their delightful, intense discussions. A little about music, a little about Radar, and a little about something I couldn't quite decipher. I had to chuckle to myself as they walked across the camp, pausing at the door of the mess tent, continuing their talk, oblivious to others around. Goodness, I could easily picture them in about thirty years, surrounded by hordes of grandchildren, still having those amusing banters.
'At least something happy will come out of this war,' I thought as I moved on. Pausing at the doorway, I looked up at the beautiful, diamond-studded sky. "Good-bye sweet prince," I murmured. "Remember, there's someone out there who loves you." Onward to my job. It was that or dissolve in a puddle of tears. Lovely choice. But I couldn't resist a another glimpse skyward, focusing on one lone star in the heavens. Quite naturally, a sheepish grin lit my face while my shoulders did an oh-so-familiar shrug.
The End. :)
